A MUMS' GUIDE TO STARTING SCHOOL

Is your child starting school this September? It's a big step for a little one, and an exciting time, with a world of new experiences awaiting them. Hopefully this is just the beginning of a lifelong love of learning. 

But, putting on that big uniform can make them suddenly seem so small, and you might find that starting a new school brings up some unexpected behaviours and feelings - in parent and child!

We've both got older boys in school, and our youngest children are about to start Reception so we're right there with you.

Read on for some of the tips and tricks we've learned along the way...

Staggered starts in September
By now you've received your school's timeline for settling sessions, and hopefully have got over the shock that while term officially starts in the first week of September, Reception classes tend to take things a little slower. Starting with sessions of an hour or two and gradually building towards longer days. 

Honestly, as a parent, this seems counterintuitive, especially when so many children have been at preschool or nursery for longer days already. Taking things so slowly seems like it will be more confusing for them.

But, while it might not make sense, it's the way it's done. It might be a huge juggle around work and other responsibilities for you (it will be for us) especially if you've taken annual leave over the summer or work a job with no flexibility. 

But, if you can, try and reframe this as an opportunity to support a gentle transition for your little one, and a chance to enjoy a little extra time with them. 

And free yourself from any guilt of the compromises you may need to make to manage the juggle. You've got to do what you've got to do.

School meals 
Your school will have a specific policy, but usually the school will proved a piece of fruit or vegetable mid-morning as well as school lunch which is funded by the Government in years Reception to Year Two. 

If your child would like a packed lunch, check the school's policy: usually they can't contain sugary snacks or sweets and nuts are a no-no, but other allergens such as seeds may be banned too. 

You might also ask whether children on school lunches and packed lunches sit together or are separated, as it may be this, rather than the food, that has your child requesting a packed lunch. 

Reception children are also given milk which is free until age five, but most schools have a scheme where parents can pay for this termly after the cut off. 

Children will be instructed to bring their own water bottle in and it should be refilled as necessary throughout the day, but check your school's policy. Our favourite water bottles are BPA plastic free, keep water cold and have cute designs so they can be easily identified in a tray of 30. 

Labelling with a name sticker is a must, while adding a bit of personality with fun stickers too will help to ensure it doesn't go missing either. 

Home time
When you pick up your little school starter, you'll definitely have questions about their day. Try and hold off at first, as it can be a little overwhelming for them while they're dealing with the initial transition, navigating the noise of the playground and moving to the next stage of their day.

And honestly? They probably won't be able to answer them usefully anyway! Tell them you're happy to see them, observe something about them - maybe they brought you a drawing or you saw them standing with a new friend - and then wait.

Later on, ideally while you're both doing something else such as colouring, playing, eating a meal or even sharing a book at bedtime you can start to enquire.

Avoid general questions like 'what did you do today?' That's way too big for a little mind to answer, and you'll probably get a frustrating 'nothing' as a response. 

Instead, try and ask just one or two specific questions: 'Who did you sit with at Storytime today?' 'Did you play with anyone new?' 'What story did the teacher read?' What was snack today?' 

Remember they've just met almost 30 new children, plus teachers and other support staff. If they can remember even one or two names it's a good sign that they're making connections. 

Pack a snack (or several)
Even though they're fed and watered at school, it's amazing how hungry little ones get, and the first thing you hear through the school gates is usually 'what snack did you bring me?' 

If you hate scrambling for a packaged snack just before pick up time, get ahead by batch making or prepping a couple of your favourite easy, balanced snacks that you can keep in the freezer or fridge and reach for on rotation. 

Some of our favourites include flapjacks, chocolate cornflake cakes with raisins; cheese cubes, grapes and breadsticks; a wrap with cream cheese and cucumber; french toast sticks; mini pizza rolls or a couple of slices of leftover pizza. 

If they can wait until you're off site we also love a sliced apple with a spoonful of peanut or almond butter to dip, or a homemade nut, seed and date filled granola ball. 

For serious mummy (or daddy) magic on hot days, pop a thermal drinks cup in the freezer for 15 minutes before you leave and use it to keep an ice lolly frozen for pick up time.

Prepare for 'restraint collapse' 
Remember that first day feeling at a new job? Excited to be there and wanting to impress, but struggling with the vulnerability of not knowing who most of these people are, where anything is or what exactly they want you to do and whether they do things differently here to where you were before. 

Now imagine that you're four or five and going through the same while wearing a new uniform, not knowing how long you're there for (or how to actually measure time,) what's allowed or what happens if you do the 'wrong' thing.

It's a lot for a little mind to process, and while the school staff will have plenty of experience to help them during the school day, there may be surprising ways your little one works through this new experience. 

They might bounce out the school gate and all the way home, only to break down in tears as soon as your home is in sight. They may throw things, whinge, shout, be rough with you or tease their siblings, snatch toys, stomp... generally the sort of behaviour you thought you'd left behind in the toddler years. 

Meet the phenomenon that is 'after school restraint collapse', a child's way of getting out all the pent-up energy and emotion of spending the day trying their hardest to sit still, listen carefully, learn new things, and remember the rules. And it can last well past the initial settling in phase.

When challenging behaviour does happen, try to remain calm and acknowledge that they're having a hard time. Make sure the basics are covered: they've had something to eat and drink, been to the loo, are comfortable in their clothes and have had a cuddle. 

Knowing what's next can really help too. Setting it up so an activity, favourite toy or game is ready for them can be a really nice way to welcome them home. It needn't be elaborate - a sticker book, the lego box or some crayons and paper alongside a favourite teddy will help make them happy to be home. 

Chores can wait
It's amazing how quickly a tidy house can become messy when a little whirlwind arrives home from school. You may have some non-negotiables when coming home, but try and keep them simple: coat and shoes tidy, hands washed, comfy clothes on. 

Create a routine where you check their book bag together: take interest in the book they've brought home and ask if they'd like to read it together now or at bedtime. 

There likely won't be homework as such in the first year, but supporting your child's reading and phonics, basic numeracy and their termly topics will have a big impact. 

There'll probably be a curriculum meeting which will give you a chance to understand what they're being taught, and how, and to get familiar with the school staff and setting. 

Making friends
Some children can make friends almost instantly, while others take a little time to warm up.

Before they start school, encourage your child to think about what they can say to make a playmate feel safe and encouraged to play with them. For example, taking turns with a toy, sharing ideas of what to play, looking for others nearby who may want to be included.

In the early days, play dates might be too much for you, your child or their new friends. Instead, encouraging smaller interactions can be a good start towards building connections.

If you've got a library, playground or child friendly cafe nearby then creating a regular stop after pick up and inviting others to join alongside is a less pressured way to socialise side by side, rather than one on one.

After a few weeks
It's not universal, but many children will experience a realisation after a few weeks that this school thing is hanging around for good. The novelty might have worn off, paired with the tiredness of the first term so don't make big plans for the October half term!

What nobody tells you
Children in Reception are usually allowed to freely use the toilet as and when they need, and are expected to do so unsupported unless there's a special need or care plan in place. 

Your little one might be well potty trained, but do send in a spare set of clothes just in case of any accidents. These usually don't need to be uniform, but check with your school and don't forget to include socks!

Be prepared for bouts of constipation as they may be put off using a busy school toilet, the symptoms aren’t always what you expect but the ERIC website is a great resource. 

Threadworms and head lice are highly contagious and make regular appearances in the first years of school. To combat worms, keep nails short and encourage frequent hand washing, especially after the loo and before meals and snacks.

If you can, stock up on treatment for both before you need it, it can save a last minute search for a late night pharmacy. 

Release the pressure
Many children find drop off difficult, which can cause upset for all involved. Try and leave plenty of time so that you're not stressed about being late and adding to the tension. 

Your child's teachers will have experienced this plenty, and should have strategies that can help. The school Breakfast Club can be a softer start to the day rather than the overwhelm of the school gates so enquire if this is a possibility. 

Parent pals
You'll probably be added to a class WhatsApp group, and while very occasionally they're an arena for airing grievances and personal drama, more often they're just a useful place to help each other stay on top of all the admin that comes with primary school (and trust us there's a lot.) 

Expect chatter on holiday clubs, after school activities, all class birthday parties, reuniting uniform with its rightful owner, group teacher presents, and the same questions to be asked a million times. 

In real life, you'll probably find some of the parents have known each other for years while others know nobody or are new in town. 

If you're shy, waiting at pick up can feel awkward and you might want to hide in the solace of your phone. Being present and offering a simple 'hi' and a smile isn't likely to make you an instant bestie, but it's a good start.

Practice your small talk at home, and show your child that adults can find making friends difficult too, but it's worth it.

All the gear
Ticking off everything on the uniform list is a mammoth task, and we recommend trying to get preloved uniform where possible (usually through the school, but you'll find items at car boots and local marketplace apps too.)

The best school shoes are comfortable, flexible and supportive - we love Zig + Star school shoes for ticking these boxes. Plus there's room to grow thanks to a removable insole that allows for an extra half size.

Make sure everything is labelled with their name: you may be tempted by the traditional woven name labels but unless you're great at hand-sewing you will come to regret it. Instead bulk buy printed sticky labels and put them on absolutely everything.

The first day (or few hours) itself
First day nerves are totally normal, as is tears, excitement and all sorts of emotions bubbling up. Try and acknowledge however they're feeling without making it a big deal.

A little reminder of how loved they are can help keep them grounded. Draw a 'love button' heart on their wrist that they can press, or on a little piece of paper they can keep in their pocket.

Reading together before they start is a good way to get them ready for what school days will bring, and open up discussion about how they're feeling about it.

From sustainably-made school shoes to educational activities and leak-proof water bottles, get school ready with Kinder Collective's Big School Shop edit.